The boys are supposedly taking a nap now. In reality, Casey is napping while Riley fights any possible tendency towards sleep and whines and fusses. I'm enforcing a nap time for my own attempt at sanity, though it isn't working very well. Sanity, that is.

Last Saturday I took the afternoon off while Paul stayed with the boys, and I went on a quest for more art supplies. I felt that need to immerse myself in the richness of the textures and colors and feel of good art supplies to get myself more back in the artist mode of feeling. Sounds stupid and consumer-oriented, probably, but looking at supplies can inspire me to want to create with all the possibilities they offer. Besides, my old pastel sets are seriously worn out and I wanted a rich new set to get going again.

What I found was a disturbing decline in the number and quality of art supply stores around here. My favorite places, which used to have good quality practical supplies for good prices, have turned more into kitchy craft and framing places, if the places are still around at all. The serious supplies are gone as if all the artists have disappeared. The economy? A decline in people still doing art? Lack of money for extras like art supplies? I guess I'm actually an example of their target market; I haven't bought any art supplies for over three years. Well, I did have twins, so my lifestyle changed, but I was also trying to cut back on spending. Well, this time I bought myself some nice new pastels and I'm really looking forward to drawing with them now.

In the process of art-store hopping I found myself in the middle of a peace rally in Palo Alto. On the peninsula of the SF Bay area, Palo Alto is a very well-to-do suburb and hosts Stanford University. They have a largely wealthy and liberal population that prides itself on being politically aware and active, and has one of the few good quality art stores left in the greater Bay Area (as wealthy liberals are more likely to have the desire and be able to afford to do art, I guess). So the peace rally was happening on the street right outside the art store.

I felt right at home, though I'm not political at all. It was like stepping back into college, though even then I was apolitical and didn't go to demonstrations. The types of people were familiar, though; the aging sixties era folks who still hold true to their ideals, even though they're looking gray and a little worn, the newest generation of young hippies who look like they've stepped through a time portal right out of the sixties and seventies. I guess the basic uniforms don't change. Tie dye and ripped faded jeans, hip huggers and bell bottoms. Odd to realize that this new generation are young enough to be my kids, had I started right out of college. And here I was, Birkenstocks and jeans and oh yeah, wrinkles and dumpy figure. I guess some things have changed...

The thing I kept noticing while watching the rally, though, was the apparent lack of depth to any of the placards and slogans and rhetoric being spouted. There's a reason I'm basically apolitical; I can't stand it when people spout strong opinions and have very little real idea of all the complexities involved in any given issue. The rabid partisanship that's always displayed offends my sense of fairness. I tend to see issues as grays rather than black and whites; knee-jerk reactions annoy me as examples of a lack of intelligent consideration of any given issue. Not to say you can't take a side passionately once you've considered the issue and looked at the various sides, but then your rhetoric should reflect your reasoning. And what I was seeing at the rally didn't reflect much intellect. Typos, illogic, stupid slogans that didn't even make sense on placards. To me, that sort of response doesn't further the cause they're trying to support; it undermines it by reducing their credibility to zilch.

But enough ranting. I'm never in favor of war in general, but I cannot pretend to have studied all the issues involved now and have an informed opinion. From a purely self-centered viewpoint I can't help but hope and pray that by the time my boys are teens that there is no war looming on the horizon. I can't bear the thought of them being drafted or conscripted and seeing battle and maybe getting killed. And because I have a heart and a brain I can't imagine any other parent from any culture wanting it either. How could any rational being be in favor of war? But here again I come up against the fact that I don't know all the issues involved, and I sure as hell want to keep our comfortable, safe homeland free from attacks by rabid people who hate us for reasons I don't understand. So what's the answer? I can't trust the quick answers handed to us by either partisan side. So I'm holding onto my shaky non-partisan-ship with both hands.

And I'm going to go draw now, while the boys are taking a nap. Riley finally has given in to sleep.

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